Internet Revitalized With Introduction of Latest Site From San Francisco Cyber-neers

After the bursting of the internet bubble, many nay sayers had predicted the eventual collapse of the once mighty cyber-world. Well, you can put aside your worries, because the internet has officially been pulled from the brink of extinction. With the debut of their fabulous new web site, ITS THE KEISERS.com, San Francisco celebrities Sahru Cowans and Joe Keiser have once again stunned the world, by reinvigorating the internet with a dose of their patented "cyber-savy-spunk." We interviewed this normally reclusive couple, and learned just what makes this web site tick.

Inspiration for the new web site came from quite humble beginnings, fan letters. "For years we'd been hearing endless requests from our fans who had a hunger for all things Sahru & Joe related," Joe recalled. "I want the latest Sahru & Joe photos! I need a 24 hour source for up-to-the-minute Sahru & Joe's info! I have GOT to get a list of every magnet Joe owns!" These were some of the fan requests that the new web site is dedicated to satisfying. A visitor to ITS THE KEISERS.com will find everything from photos to home movies, baby registries to a guest book, an interactive tour of Joe's magnet collection and much much more. "We'd love it if our fans would visit the site more than once, as we'll be updating it regularly with the latest photos, movies, stories and other fun tid-bits from our fabulous lives," Sahru remarked. "Better yet, why not come visit us in person?! I mean, still photos are great, and movies are fun, but nothing beats actually seeing, touching ... and even smelling celebrities face-to-face," offered Sahru.

So, whether it's online, or in-person, make sure you visit these fascinatingly fabulous San Francisco cyber-icons. "We hope you enjoy it. Everyone we know tells us that it's simply the single most important web site they've ever visited ... except, for this one."

Shrinking San Francisco Home Only a Rumor

Reports that a San Francisco home had mysteriously been shrinking are now known to be merely rumors. After performing tests on the supposedly shrinking abode, scientists report that the home is not shrinking, but rather that its occupants have been growing. Test results showed that the home's inhabitants, Sahru Cowans & Joe Keiser, have starting growing. After further investigation, scientists report that ... Sahru & Joe are pregnant!

That's right, the news you've all been waiting for is finally here. Sahru & Joe are proud to announce that they're having a baby. Little [insert future name here] is due to arrive in this world sometime around September 10th. As you might expect, the soon-to-be Mother and Father are as happy and excited as can be (although the Father might be best described as more nervous-excited). And, in keeping with their tradition of sharing everything in their lives, both Sahru & Joe are starting to add on a few pounds. Of course, Sahru has a baby growing inside her - Joe's just using any excuse to squeeze more meals into his day, or as doctors call it ... "sympathy" weight. Good luck to both during what promises to be a wonderful and amazing change in their lives - and their waist lines.

Magnets Attract More Than Metal

Since the explosive beginnings of the Universe, magnets have been attracting metal, charged clouds of gas, and even each other. But now there's evidence proving that magnets can attract friends as well. That's right, the same mysterious power of electromagnetism that magically pulls objects toward one another, also seems to have pulled friends toward one particular refrigerator in San Francisco. A frequent user of the appliance, Mr. Joe Keiser, reports that dozens of magnets just began appearing on the refrigerator a few years ago. "Just when I think they've stopped, every once and a while another damn magnets just appears - like it flew through the air from Jamaica, or Portugal, or Santa Nella, or wherever they keep coming from," recounts a concerned and harried Mr. Keiser. But one benefit to the magnets' mysterious appearances, is that they seem to also attract friends. Since the magnets began appearing, Mr. Keiser has noticed a sharp increase in the number of friends who tell him, "hey Joe, I was thinkin' of you and your magnets on my trip." Mr. Keiser, reflecting on this strange electromagnetic phenomena, remarked that "it's nice for people to be thinking of me, even if it's my magnets that get's 'em to do it. I hope this weird cosmic connection between my fridge and my friends keeps up - heck, maybe I'll make it into Ripley's." Maybe you will Mr. Keiser. Maybe you will.

Silly Movies Linked to Good Health

Have you ever wondered if some movies or TV shows were scientifically better than others? Have you ever bet someone that you could prove one particular show was better than another? Did you then lose that bet, and have to pay the guy off in monthly installments, selling off family heirlooms and precious fluids just to make end meet? Well now you can safely win that same bet, as long as you put your money on a silly program. According to the latest research, silly TV shows or movies are better than non-silly, or what critics call "dramatic" shows when it comes to health benefits. In a recent study sponsored by the AMA, FDA, APHA, RCA and Allen Funt, scientists report that a healthy dose of silly movies in particular can have significant health benefits. Among the reported benefits of silly movie watching are lowered stress levels, weight loss, increased facial muscle tone, tighter abdominals, better luck, and more attractiveness. The study was conducted via the internet, using high speed connections, and compressed movie files. Subjects were able to view the silly movies from the comfort of their own homes, and then email responses to researchers. If you'd like to see the movies used by researchers, you can visit their web site and watch the same movies used in the study. And, for those of you itching to double your money on a particular episode of The Simpsons, this time that bet will be insured by science.